Dear Nobody

    Don't tell me that you need to start dating or that you'll never find the one. Don't tell me that you want to go into recluse as I sit across from you. I get it, you are the only one who has ever experienced the vicissitudes of love. Heartbreaks only happen to you. You are deep, contemplative and sensitive. Yet you are also strong, tough, and don't need a girl in your life--except for when you reach for me in the middle of the night, an urge you don't need to explain. You detail your problems and wait for me to sympathize. You want me in your life but you can't make the big leap, because in your mind, you have so much to deal with. I've met you a dozen times and you always have a different name, but I know that you're him. I know your story before you even tell me. I'm impassive to your troubles because they have nothing to do with me. You want me to pursue you so you have a safe landing should you fall.

And you say I'm heartless.

disjointed thoughts

   I "won" my first case. It was an administrative decision and they decided in favor of my clients!

    When I have more time to put my thoughts in order, I'll have to write about the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act)/immigration cases. Their courtships are so different. I take down declarations (their stories) and they talk about how they met their abuser and how they fall in love and all that. These men straight up tell them women they want to marry them on the first date. And the women tell the men they love them! No overthinking. No commitment issues. It feels primordial. Spoiler: all the men turn into abusers after the marriage, so maybe this kind of love isn't for everyone.

The Gower

The outfit:





I got a little bored waiting for my friends to come pick me up, so I played with my webcam.

picture post

Why not? Not like I have much of an audience but words do get tiresome. Here's a small sampling of my life. (Also, this hasn't turned out to be much of a beauty blog.) Sorry these images are so small. I haven't learned how to make thumbnails yet! Nancy??



Vegas- I barely met these girls on the trip but we became fast friends.


Good friends from undergrad at Father's Office


Friend's bday- her theme was "Prom"


Karaoke at BrewCo/ UCLA's local divebar


I definitely butchered "Say My Name."


Les Deux with one of my best friends, Annie, and our friend, Tammy




Okay, that's it for now!

dunzo

I wanted things to work out with J. because he seemed like a nice guy, but after that terrible kiss last week, I started feeling more and more repulsion towards him. By the time I saw him again on Friday (well at lot happened between Monday and Friday), I was done. I wasn't attracted to him. He said, "Kiss me," before the musical started and flashbacks of excessive tongue made me nauseous. I made it through the musical and didn't try to make an excuse to go home. We went to my friend's apartment party afterward. I invited him earlier during the week, and I wasn't annoyed enough at this point to call it a night. I could tell he was trying really hard to be everyone's friend at the party and if I had liked him, it would have been endearing. Since I didn't, it was embarrassing.

I swung open the door to a fairly small party. About ten to fifteen people were in Shawn's living room, most of whom I didn't know. J. walked in and proceeded to introduce himself to everyone in the room. He tried to tell people I don't drink, in this matter-of-fact way, as if he's known me for years. Also, he made an inappropriate comment when I told Melissa about this terrible asylum case that I read about in the course of working on my own asylum case (brother while driving drunk got into a car accident that killed his sister, brother is now being deported because he committed manslaughter and is violating his conditional visa, family loses both children). J. chimed in, "It's like Jerry Springer. An Asian Jerry Springer."
I turned towards him, "No it's not."

He took me home around midnight. I thanked him for the date and he asked if he was invited in. I said I was tired. I told myself I would send a thanks for everything, but I don't see this going any further text. I haven't, because I suck at this. I think he got the message though when I didn't call or text him back after that date.

I feel relieved that it's done, but mostly I feel guilt. I let it go on a lot longer than it should have because I enjoyed the dates. I should have known after that terrible kiss that it just wasn't going to happen. I should have trusted my intuition. I dreaded the musical date, but I made myself go anyway, really hoping that it wouldn't be so bad.

And maybe it would have gone further if P. hadn't reappeared in my life. P. was the #2 kiss in my previous entry. I know he doesn't read this, so I thought it was a strange coincidence that right after I wrote the entry he texted me. We saw each other again on Wednesday and I remembered that I could have a pretty boy. I could have kisses that spark that dizzy feeling in the back of my head. I'm twenty-three---why on earth am I settling now?

Back to the drawing board.

work stories

I've been getting these phone calls from what sounds like a homeless and crazy lady. She complains that there is a ghost inhabiting her body. She wants a restraining order for the ghost or for the ghost to pay some kind of rent for possessing her body. She never leaves a return number but she LOVES leaving messages. I had 80 from over the weekend. I had 10 yesterday and 8 this morning. Her voice is raspy and creepy, something you would hear in a scary movie. This morning, the other interns gathered around my desk and listened in horror. They suggested that I don't check voicemails until later in the day. Sounds like a good idea.

bulletproof fast food

It's my first week at work. We've been going to meetings all day long. I fielded a couple of calls. I had to delete 80 messages from what sounded like a crazy homeless lady. And the clencher? Today, I went to a KFC with bulletproof windows.