Saturday, April 30, 2011

the history major in me

Ever since law school, I feel like I'm always hustling. My life feels smaller. My mind doesn't take time to wander from one huge idea to the next, but focuses narrowly on how I'm going to complete day to day tasks. Blogging has turned into beauty blogging and not as much of an introspection as my old journal used to be.

Part of it is because law school has made me so self-conscious. It's really not conducive to idealism, and everyone judges (me included). I worry that my classmates will see my thoughts, and granted, I do choose to put them out there, so I should be prepared for all the haterade. It's hard to be that strong.

I miss studying history. I miss thinking about the vast realm of all that has gone on before me, rather than the small space that comprises my everyday life. I miss going to Black April commemorations. I haven't been any lately, since they always coincide with finals. I want to come out and show a young face, to show that young people still care. We haven't forgotten the sacrifices of the past. Although our tongues become stiff, our history remains a part of our identity, stronger than all the stereotypes thrust upon us.

Thanks Bao Phi for reminding me of the Vietnamese in me.