catch-up post

      I was scheduled for three trials in July. They were scheduled for July 15, July 22, and July 31. Pretty much I was certain I was going to die.

     The July 15 one settled in late June. Right before 4th of July weekend, we won on MSJ for the July 22 trial. The only one pending is the one going forward on July 31. It's strange to so busy with trial prep and then being told to abruptly "lay down your tools" (partner's words). It happens so quickly. My last case settled right before I was going to take plaintiff's deposition. I was excited to do it too.

     I've been obsessed with looking for the cronut; more bakeries have them now. Semi-Sweet Bakery in LA was the first to have it, and I went that next at lunch time, but of course, they were all sold out.

     Vanessa and I went to the Bay the day after 4th of July. We spent 4th of July at a friend's bbq where there was a ton of grilled meat, guys, and a huge ole pie. Then illegal fireworks exploded everywhere, because we were purportedly in the 'hood. Vanessa repeatedly attempted to take pictures with her camera phone, but the shutter was too slow and all she got was blurred smudges of light. I can't tell you how many times she tried that night. Jake and his brother Nate decided to twerk in the kitchen at our behest. I hope someone has a video of that.

     We went to Escape from the Mysterious Room in SF while we were in the Bay. I bought some tickets from a guy off of Craigslist and made Jared and Matt come with me to get them. When the guy came out, he looked at Jared and asked, "Are you the muscle?" Jared laughed and I replied, "No, he's the guy who's going to run away and call the police if you try to murder me."

    The escape game was really fun; it spurred Yves and me to start playing online escape games. We would gchat each other for answers even though walk-throughs are easily available online. More fun to problem-solve with a friend, even though it is online. That place also had Japanese toilets, which had a water rinsing option. Yves was in the stall next to me and told me the front option felt like the back option and she told me to try it too. I didn't. I kind of wish I had, but I think it would have been too invigorating.

   Melissa delivered my bridesmaid dress yesterday. We went to UniqueLA and then HomeGoods. It kind of felt nice to have an afternoon shopping, something I don't do much anymore.

   I felt kind of inspired to write this post, because I went back to my old xanga, and I had a ton of these snippets of life with friends, which I haven't been keeping track of anymore. I guess adults don't narrate their lives the way college kids did back in my day. I'm kind weary of pithy FB updates and relying on photographs and check-ins to tell the story of where I've been. So here it is, an entry for later-me, with all the blanks filled in. 

Vegas

No stories. Just my fave pics. 

Even Jerry came out to Hakkasan.

being "soft"

    I bought cupcakes for the assistants for no reason. My coworker pointed out that I had a "soft" side. Several days ago, I sent a package with some thoughtful things to a friend, also with no occasion attached. That word came up again. "Soft."

   Wtf does that mean?

   The word tugged at me as I read cases, started outlines, and went through my daily tasks. I started to unpack it in my head.

    At my work, there are no female partners. All the men are younger (early 40s), so there's kind of this informal, relaxed, aggressive culture to work. Since everyone is relatively young and male, I kind of act like them. I say "dude" a lot to my bosses. Everyone wears jeans and the one time I wore a pencil skirt, one of the partners asked me if I went to court earlier that day. Against this backdrop, I come off as kind of a tomboy, which is not really something that I ever thought of about myself. I accepted this designation without much thought.

   Then this "soft" business came up. I just hated how smug she seemed, as if she discovered some great secret about me. She acted as if being a tomboy (which I still don't think I am) meant that I was trying to hide the fact that I am nice to others. I balked at this fundamental misunderstanding of my nature. I often share food, buy gifts just because, and am generally amiable around my colleagues. Why is that being conflated with "soft?" If I were a man who showed the same kind of generosity, would anyone jump on it and think that it was a telltale sign of femininity?

    Further, I am not trying to hide my femininity at work. I just don't think about it. I don't think about being anything but a smart and aggressive advocate, and somehow that translated into not being feminine. You can be aggressive and bullish without being a miser. You can be generous and kind to people on your team, and still be a fierce litigator when the time comes to be strategically aggressive. I don't understand what being "soft" has to do with any of it.

I'm a real person now

I celebrated my work anniversary two weeks ago. I've been a second-year ever since I started getting paid like a second-year, but I never really stopped to think about it until now. There was a barrage of work, which thankfully let up recently, so now that the dust has settled, I can type some words of reflection.

I spent most of my first year prepping for arbitration on a big case. We actually went to arbitration, which was exciting to see. My first year of practice was mainly spent just learning how to do things. It's true that you don't really learn the mechanics of practicing law in law school. We practiced writing memos and briefs, but I never learned all the possible pleadings and how to use them. Legal strategy never came up either. That's the exciting part, picturing the ways a case can go, but I wonder if the novelty will wear off.

The most valuable thing I learned this past year was how to write a clean brief. In law school, all our prompts kind of had a close universe of facts. In practice, the universe of facts ends up being closed after awhile, but at first, there are just so many facts out there for the culling. It's a challenge not to get lost in the thicket, but when you're around experienced, talented attorneys, you get to see how they keep their head straight when so many things are going on.

I've been to court a bunch of times for hearings, getting used to being addressed as "Counselor." I still kind of hate suits, but my most recent purchase actually feels comfortable to me now. I love running into friends in court; it's happened quite a bit. I was really nervous before a hearing, but having my friend around before having to go in front of the judge for oral arguments soothed my nerves. (I won that one btw. Woot.) I'm still trying to figure out where I want my career to go---working on that 5-year plan. So far though, everything seems to be falling into place.

all smiles

despite the emo ish I've been posting.

some emo ish

We must learn to let go, to give up, to make room for the 

things we have prayed for and desired.

Letting go doesn't mean we don't care. Letting go doesn't mean we shut down. 

Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. 

It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. 

It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which we 

cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means taking 

care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as 

possible.

Done With Invisalign!

I have so much to blog about, such as, what happens when you lose an Invisalign tray? Refinements- which added another 4 months on top of the 8 months that I wore the tray. I finally got all the hooks off last month. Someone at work thought I had teeth deformities and never mentioned it to me. He knew I had Invisalign! Anywho, all of these burning updates will have to wait for another time. I still think that one tooth kind of tilts to the inside, but it might just be because I'm not as vigilant about wearing my trays as I was in the beginning. Hopefully with a year of wearing retainers for 22 hours a day, that one tooth won't tilt in anymore. I will blog about the retainer process after I get them in a couple of weeks.

Left: December 2011
Right: December 2012