obsessed with red lips lately

I have a meeting with my career counselor today. The school sent me an email pretty much saying, "You don't have a job. Come see us." Are you going to give me a job?? Doubtful. Had a long talk with the bee eff last night. My stream of consciousness went something like this, "I need a new suit. But where am I getting the money for this suit? What am I doing with my liiiiife?" His reply? "I'll sell myself so we can get you some pants." Thanks.

another vlog attempt

vegas!

I haven't anything great to talk about lately, so I've been letting the blog go idle. Here are some Vegas pictures for people who are not FB friends with me.

This was in front of Marquee/ kind of close to Chandelier. I loved Chandelier! It was so gorgeous inside and they had this S'more themed drink that came with roasted marshmallows! Mmm.

Most of the girls.

All of the girls at Tryst on Night 2.

In front of this awesome waterfall. It was also sprinkling outside!

I was really lucky go to with a friend of a friend who had a comped room and a free rental car! We had a pretty large group, but everyone kind of did their own thing. The gamblers, the couples, and the shoppers. I went to the huge F21 at Fashion Show and got my first pair of jeggings. I have been wearing the heck out of them. They have the streamline structure of jeans (leggings make me look a bit bulky) and the comfort of leggings.

To wind down on our last day, Jannette and I went to Jean Phillippe in the Bellagio and got desserts. We had a nice talk over coffee and I ended my weekend with something sweet. (Rose macaron, pictured below.)

Valentine's Day

I told myself I would write a timely entry for once. I always think of all these post-holiday entries and forget to put them up and before you know it, it's an Xmas post in March!

Valentine's Day is such a polarizing holiday. Some people love it. Even more hate it. I suspect it's the idea of forced affection. It seems disingenuous that there would be a day where masses of people are guilt-tripped into buying terrible candy, tacky stuffed animals and gaudy cards in order to demonstrate their love. It's simplification of how we want to be loved. Valentine's Day is fast food when love is slow-cooked.

My friends would never describe me as a "romantic," which is why maybe a couple of years ago, this entry would be a hilarious rant about the homogenization of love. I still bristle at the idea of rom-com "meet cutes," because let's face it, we're not going to come across a handsome/beautiful stranger in Central Park who needs our help in some complex scheme which results in a cheesy wedding dance montage. The way we experience love is specific and complex, almost impossible to replicate, despite many self-help gurus who promise to generate love only if you follow their rules.

This kind of gets to why I feel ambivalent about Valentine's Day. I like the idea of celebrating love. I hate the idea of comparing love, as if a singing telegram doesn't appear at your work, it means that you are loved less than your neighbor in the cube with two dozen roses. This causes everyone to eventually cave in and celebrate, no matter how they feel about the so-called holiday. No one wants their significant other to look like he or she is dating a jerk. Fast food in a pressure cooker, sounds good, doesn't it?

How do we avoid feeling like suckers for celebrating, but feeling like jerks if we don't? I don't have any easy solutions and I don't think anyone else does. That's why we all get so mad when this day comes around. (Well, those of us who are not marking jewelry catalogs.) This year, I'm just going to focus on the simple---that I'm thankful love is in my life.

And whether you hate it or love it, who doesn't love 50% off candy hearts the day after Vday. Happy February 15th everyone.

playing with Steph

I finally got around to going to Skylark Nails and Beauty Zone. (Will upload haul pics soon.) Steph and I stayed up last night playing with my new goodies.

Steph's nails/ Black Swan themed:

my nails/ nautical themed:

New Year's Resolution: Freedom from the Scale

I know it may be late, but it struck me today as I was preparing food for the week. (Side note: I am constantly in a time battle against my bulging refrigerator. My meals are determined by how sensitive the food is to mold, not what I actually feel like eating. I have to strategize the order in which to eat my food.) Anyway, I haven't weighed myself for over a month, which is a lifetime for me, and I told myself I'll just quit and maybe limit it to once every 2 or 3 months at the most.

I'm tired of having that little number determine how I live my life. Weight, by itself, is a poor indicator of health. Fat content, by itself, is a poor indicator of health. See, I think that's where I got tripped up, a long, long time ago. I decided at one point that I no longer trusted my eyes, that absolute truth lied in those little numbers. Mirrors and pictures may lie and clothes may stretch, but the scale never lies. Within the scale is the harsh reality and I must always be aware of what that number is.

Sure, there were brief periods, maybe months, where I decided that thinness was an overrated ideal. Thinness didn't make factory made clothes any easier to find or life much more satisfying. But these moments inevitably ended with a triggering event---sometimes an unflattering picture or fluorescent lighting in a dressing room stall. Then I would be back to scribbling little calorie counts in the margins of my books or on the back of receipts. I would run, run, run from the phantom number on the scale until my whole body reluctantly gave up bits of its fat reserves.

Anyone who has successfully dieted can tell you that the relationship between health and weight is bullshit. Exercise stimulates your appetite. You often lose more weight when you cut calories and do minimal exercise. You may gain weight as you build muscle, which scares many women from building muscle in fear of looking bulky or gaining weight. Sometimes fat doesn't go away. Even when I was pounding the pavement or treadmill 5 to 6 times a week, I didn't look lean. My legs didn't gain those muscle lines.

For me, health had little to do with thinness or weight, or even body composition. So I decided that I will stop reading these false signals. I was interpreting the numbers all backwards. They are merely indicators of poor diet and health, but only I know for sure what my diet and health is. Changing those numbers doesn't necessarily mean that I am changing my health and diet in the right direction. Only I can control that. All these notions of "fitness" are based on attaining a certain image and I can't worry about that anymore.

So, to end my long rant, which is mostly to myself, but who knows, maybe it's fun for other people to read, I am going to stop reading that stupid scale. This year, I am going to make colorful meals and eat well for me. I'm going to run because it clears my mind. I am going to play sports, because I miss catching up with friends. I am going to snowboard, because I want to beat my bf down the mountain. Who cares about the scale. I may throw away the mirror next. Ha. (Probably not.)

Self-tanner/ body makeup rave

My old roommate introduced me to this product when I asked her what kind of self-tanner she used to get such a natural color. It's not really a self-tanner. It's waterproof body make up that washes off in the shower.

I've used this many times and no it doesn't smear off on your clothes. It doesn't smear on other people. I've worn it to clubs and it stayed put through hot, crowded LA dance floors.

Why I like this product:

It's quick. I don't really have time to tan and tanning beds kind of scare me. I used to love them in college, but all those warnings have gotten to me. This spray gives me instant color, unlike those "buildable"self-tanners that take more than one application. If I have an event that night, I can just spray this on maybe 20 minutes before I have to go out the door.

The color looks natural. Sally's has created a pretty good formula for my skin tone. I am naturally a beige-yellow color and this tan is a nice caramel brown. I like that it's NOT subtle. If I wanted subtle color, I wouldn't bother spending money to dye my skin.

Why you may not like this product: It's temporary. Unlike self-tanners that last for awhile, this body make up will wash off in the shower. It's great if you only want to tan for one event, but it will get annoying applying this everyday to keep that color.

The spray nozzle means that it's kind of hard to apply and will make a mess if you don't aim it directly at a close distance to your body parts. I suggest spraying in the bathtub, so that it doesn't make a big mess. It's also hard to aim it onto your back. I usually just spray into my hand and rub it onto my back.

Pictures:

As you can see, I applied it to one leg, but not the other for comparison purposes. Pictures were taken without flash in the daytime.

(I'm wearing it in my NYE picture and some old Halloween pics.)