unemployment chronicles

My friend wants to start a blog called "The Art of Poor" and I suggested "Song of Paupers."

I interviewed for a litigation secretary job on Tuesday. I took the JD off my resume just to make sure I got the interview. At the interview, I told the partner that I actually had a JD and showed him my legal resume. He was impressed, really impressed. He seemed certain that I was going to get a ton of offers once bar results come in.

Has he seen the ABA Journal entries lately? Or Above the Law? I was tempted to ask him to send his resume out in this economic climate and see what kind of offer he gets. Discount it by a huge increment and he'll see how much people are willing to pay for newbie associates. The pay he was offering for the litigation secretary position felt like a million dollars to me. I stayed dignified and kept parroting what I hope were the right things. He said he would have to talk to his partners about me. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

In better news, my friend told me that a project director spot opened up at my night job, and the facility director wants me to fill the spot. Of course, they are worried that they will train me and once bar results come out, I'm going to peace the heck out. (Why is everyone so certain that I will a) pass the bar and b) make a ton of money once I do?) I went through another round of telling her I won't leave, so the spot is mine. Pays a little more than 1 1/2 times the glorified housekeeper job. Wheeeee!

looting

The night job isn't ideal, but at least I don't have to buy groceries for the rest of the week.

-2 sandwiches

-sushi in foil

-2 bags of fruit

-bag of oreos and brownies

-5 energy bars

- 1 greek yogurt

-1 bowl of cereal

Columbus Day

Jared: Do you think if I invade somewhere, bring some diseases and what not, and steal things that I can have my own day?

me: You can MAKE them celebrate you. Everyday would be Jared day, but no one gets the day off.

Jared: Yeah, fuck that. They have to tend to the fields.

me: Were indigenous people just too chill? Were they thinking, whatev, we've got all this land. There's not that many of them. Oh shit, more people are coming. *cough cough* Damn it.

***

I have a healthy imagination when it comes to history.

Trying to wean myself off of flip flops

"What's in that?"

Dear Mr./Ms. Curious,

Some people might enjoy being cultural ambassadors. I personally don't. I like being left alone when enjoying my mooncakes, broken rice, or whatever cultural oddity I might be consuming. I don't want you to express an interest in my culture. If you ask me what I am eating, I will answer, "Mooncake," or whatever translation I have already prepared in anticipation of someone asking me.

This is where you leave me the eff alone and consult your smartphone. It's connected to the internet and someone on the internet who loves mooncakes can tell you every GD ingredient. I honestly don't know whether it's baked or steamed. I don't know what the filling is made of. I don't want to compare it to any Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Thai dish that you may be familiar with. I don't know what typical moon cakes look like or what they represent. I don't want to tell you the origin of the moon festival or every myth that surrounds it. I am trying to effing eat my moon cake.

I didn't know the difference between a wot and a tib. I looked it up! I still can't really tell the difference between a flauta and a taquito, but when someone offered me one or the other, I fucking ate it. I didn't sniff and wrinkle my nose. I didn't demand to know every single ingredient before putting it in my mouth. It's just one bite! From that point, I formed an opinion. It's a simple system. I encourage you to try it.

In closing, I implore you to take a bite of this or stfu.

Love,

Anh

happy fall!

come again?

Waitress's name tag read: Fatrick.

Immediately after she left our table, one of the guys said, "Did her parents seriously name her Fat Trick?"

In case you were wondering, she pronounces it fuh-treeq.